These seven things can poison a marriage!
1. Not initiating or withholding sex from your spouse
Studies have proven that most often, men will start sex with their spouse. Women just don’t start as often, and this can cause harm to your relationship. Yes, we know there is a stigma that women shouldn’t do anything that isn’t lady-like, but when it comes to the bedroom, take a more hands-on, no holding back approach. Think of something spicy, like sending your hubby a text to invite him into the bedroom, sneak into the shower with him, or just roll over in bed and start kissing him.
Men want to feel loved; they want to feel they are needed. When they are the ones starting most of the intimacy, doubt grows and eventually leads to resentment, anger, and thoughts of betrayal. Once that happens, it will be a steep slope for him to climb back to feeling normal.
Study after study shows that when you don’t have sex the way God designed it, it creates conflict in your marriage. Please never withhold sex as a form of punishment. A recent study from the University of Michigan even goes as far to suggest that withholding sex is a form of sexual abuse.
2. Discounting feelings and emotions
This is what I don’t understand the most. Women claim they want a man who will talk to her about his feelings. When he does start to share those feelings, even in the middle of an argument, listen up; he is doing what you asked. It may be at the worst time possible, but he is sharing. If you discount his feelings with snide remarks, sarcasm or anything other than a loving acknowledgement, it will lead to more fighting.
He may not be doing it in a loving way; just let him know. He is a man, after all. We are not built to share feelings as easily, so when you disregard them he may bottle it up. He may even go find someone else to talk to. You don’t want to have someone else mingle in the middle and give him bad advice.
Let your woman vent. We are fixers! When a person brings up an issue, we have to fix it, but when you always try to fix the thing she is talking about, rather than just listening, she may not want to share with you anymore.
P.S ladies, don’t stop sharing. It’s part of marriage. When you do this, you are limiting chances for him to actually listen to you, and if he tries to fix it, is that really such a bad thing?
3. Using “always” and “never” statements
Statements like “you always” or “you never” will make a spouse closed off. “You always treat me bad” or “You never do anything.” Really, your spouse never does anything? They may not help around as much as you’d like, but I’m sure they help. One careless “always” or “never” in an argument may be the trigger that takes it to the next level. Instead, focus on “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Things like, “I feel this could be done differently,” or “when this happens, I feel like …”
4. Suggesting a spouse is cheating.
If you really don’t think your spouse is cheating, don’t mention anything about it. Why do you feel the need to ask? When you ask that means they will need to defend themselves, and they shouldn’t have to if you know they aren’t doing anything. Once that seed sprouts, it doesn’t take much for it to grow. If you think your spouse is cheating, try to find proof; be honest with them. There is always a reason why a spouse will cheat, and maybe it’s something that can be fixed. God is always about forgiveness. People make mistakes.
5. Arguing over the little things
It isn’t a competition; you don’t need to argue over every little thing with your spouse. During the times that you argue, don’t lose Your cool. Even if your spouse is being irrational. Some good advice is to take a break, go for a walk, own up to your part of the fight, and hold hands. Let the little things be little things.
6. Putting others before your spouse
Your spouse always comes first. If they don’t you are going to create some sort of resentment in them, which, like the seed of doubt, will grow. You are going to live with your spouse until that last day comes. Your kids will move out and go on with their lives. Your family will have their own lives to live as well. But your spouse will be there until the end. Remember that, and don’t put your marriage on cruise control.
7. Ever uttering the word divorce
You made a vow to your spouse. Unless your spouse is cheating (even this one can be fixed ) or abusive towards you, don’t even speak the word, not even a hint at it. The only reason you are bringing it up is to hurt them and have control. It is a last resort only for the extreme situations and should not be thrown around.
Of course, this is not an all-inclusive list. There are many other things that can take its toll on a marriage. Those things are usually minor and can be fixed quickly. So forgive and love, because, in the end, it’s all about love.