Don’t do these 7 things in your marriage!

These seven things can poison a marriage to the point where it can’t be saved. Unless you follow Rule #7.

1. DON’T INITIATE SEX OR WITHHOLDING SEX FROM YOUR SPOUSE
Studies have proven that most men will start sex with their spouse. A woman just doesn’t initiate as often, if even enough. This can cause harm to your relationship.  Yes, we know that there is a stigma that woman have. That they shouldn’t ever do anything that isn’t lady like. That’s fine and dandy for out in public, even in the home, but when it comes to the bedroom, take a more hands on, no holding back approach.  Think of something Spicy. Like sending your hubby a text to invite him into the bedroom. Sneak into the shower with him. Even just rolling over in bed and start kissing him, will make him wild.

Men want to feel loved, they want to feel needed. When we keep starting and you don’t, that places seeds of doubt in their head. Which will grow and eventually lead to resentment, anger and thoughts of being betrayed? Once that happens it is going to be a steep slope to climb for him.

Study after study (http://www.webmd.com/women/features/6-sex-mistakes-women-make) shows that when you don’t have sex the way God designed it, It creates conflict in your marriage.  Please never withhold sex as a form of punishment. That in its self can cause problems on top of not initiating.  A recent study from the University of Michigan even goes as far to suggest that withholding sex is a form of sexual abuse. ( http://www.thecollegefix.com/post/19448/ ) and it even goes into the subject of our #2 issue on this list below.

2. DON’T DISCOUNT THEIR FEELINGS & EMOTIONS.

Ladies-

This is what I don’t understand the most. Women claim they want a man who will talk to him about his feelings, even my own wife has asked me to share my feelings.

When he does start to share those feelings, even in the middle of an argument, Listen up, He is doing what you asked, maybe not the time you asked. If you stand there and discount with snide remarks, sarcasm or anything other than loving acknowledgement. This will cause issues. He may not be doing it in a loving way, just let him know nicely. He is a man, after all, we are not built to share feelings. So when you disregard them with sarcasm or snide remarks. He may bottle it up, He may even go find someone else to go talk to, male or female. Now do you want the possibility of your relationship having someone else mingle in the middle and give him bad advice.

Men- Let your woman vent. Yes, we are Fixers, Yes, when a person brings up an issue we have to fix it. It is just the way we are built.  Now, I am guilty of this one as when my wife brings me something that she want’s to vent. I always try to fix it to which then she will not want to share with you anymore.

P.S Ladies Don’t stop sharing. It’s part of marriage. When you do this your are limiting your chances of having him actually listen to you.  And if he tries to fix it. Is it really that bad of a thing?

3. DON’T USE ALWAYS STATEMENTS.

This one can cause some serious problems. Statements like “you always” or “you never” will make a spouse bottle up their emotions. “You always treat me bad” or “You never do anything.” Really, your spouse never does anything? Now they may not help around as much as you liked but I’m sure they help.  Using these types of statements can really cause harm. At the right time in an argument, it can be the trigger that takes it to the next level ( http://www.care2.com/greenliving/why-always-and-never-hurt-relationships.html). Instead, focus on “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Things like, “I feel this could be done a little different” or ” When this happens I feel.” For reference to statements, please see http://www.austincc.edu/colangelo/1318/istatements.htm

4. DON’T SUGGEST A SPOUSE IS CHEATING ON YOU.
If you don’t think your spouse is cheating don’t even mention anything about it. Why do you ask? Because when you ask that means they will need to defend themselves and they shouldn’t have to if you know They aren’t doing anything.  This is a big one, Because once that seed of doubt is planted. It doesn’t take much for it to grow. If you think your spouse may be cheating, try to find proof. There may be a reason as to why the spouse is cheating. Maybe it’s something that can be fixed. God was always about forgiveness.  People make mistakes once. Anything more than that is an issue/habit.

5. DON’T ARGUE OVER THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE.

It isn’t a competition. You don’t need to argue everything with your spouse.  During the times that you argue, Don’t loose your cool. Even is your spouse is being irrational. Yes, it is hard to not respond to them yelling, calling names or whatever may be going on. I know this all too well. I am a person that responds. It is literally the bane of my life. Some good advice can be found here ( http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/how-to-stop-fighting-tips-for-married-couples).

6. DON’T PUT OTHER’S IN FRONT OF YOUR SPOUSE

Well, this one is just self-explanatory. Even kids, don’t do it. Your spouse always comes first. By doing this, you are going to create some sort of resentment in them. Which like the seed of doubt, will grow. When those things grow, then the D word gets thrown around and we can’t have that.  You are going to live with your spouse until that last day comes. Your kids will move out and go on with their life. Your family will have their own life to live. But your spouse, your spouse will be there till the end. Remember that and don’t put your marriage on cruise control.

7. DON’T EVEN UTTER THE WORD DIVORCE!

You made a vow to God. So unless your spouse is beating you, cheating on you or abusive,  work it out.  Don’t even speak the word, not even innuendoes. Unfortunately, this rule has been broken on both sides of the table in my home. So if you have done it, stop! This can lead to anger, feeling betrayed, feeling let down, doubt and resentment. The only reason you are bringing it up is to hurt them or to have control over them.  With the divorce rate as high as it is and the number of children living in single family homes. It should be left for the extreme situations only.  For some further insight visit, http://www.larrylundstromministries.org/apps/articles/default.asp?articleid=42245&columnid=1619

So in ending this, these are things that I believe will ruin a marriage. This is not an all-inclusive list. There are many other things that can take its toll on a marriage. Those things are usually minor and can be fixed quickly. So forgive and love, because, in the end, it’s all about love.

love is patient

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